And so begins the misadventure

Been there and I am never going back again, the Tale of Kale

Whelp, new adventure, new journal. Besides, my old ones are all full of notes for my smithy or notes for which men to avoid.

Mother always said a warrior sharpened his sword, a wizard sharpened a quill… Yeah, its still dumb thirty years later, but i suppose somewhere to keep the oncoming days straight will be nice, hell, they may even make an interesting story for the guys at the tavern. So here goes

Day started off much like any other, woke up head pounding with afterimages of the night before, some(one? thing?) stirring under the covers next to me. They’ll show themselves out, I have work. An order had been placed at the smithys door, forty swords due to be delivered one months hence, wouldnt be any wild nights for a while it seemed, but in the middle of my day some upjumped messenger arrives with a letter from my mother of all people. The woman barely has time for me what with her secret cabals and teaching the favorite son Andy all the ways of some something or other. So I cleaned my work up, locked the door, and headed off to court.

Turns out I wasnt the only one called, the Rushmoor twins and the druid girl, Kelly came in not long after me… well two of them did, one of the twins, “Fortes” maybe? I dont know, never could keep them straigwhen I was babysitting them, either ht, even way one of them was dragged in by the militia in cuffs. We were then told that we were being packed off together to go investigate some backwoods raiding. I had not failed to notice that we were all of… less than high birth. Expendable. And, i might add, that no real efforts were being expended on this little excursion.

But without any further words, we were shown the city gate and the business end of the boot. Typical.

Will write more when I have something interesting to put to ink.

Dear Diary,

We’ve been riding for a while now, Kelly on her wolf (okay…?) and the rest on horseback. Still having a hard time not seeing this bunch still swaddled in cloth, wailing at all hours of the night. When approaching us from the other direction was some sort of farmer. meat and fat laden in an overburdened cart. He explained that he’d slaughtered all his livestock to have something, anything to sell before the goblins took it all and was moving out of the area. The rest of the group decided to let him pass in exchange for directions to the town. Im still not completely certain that he was entirely honest about those being “his” livestock. In all the confusion of a goblin raid, it wouldn’t be difficult to explain a few of your neighbors cattle missing, and some extra meat in your cellar. But I was outnumbered and outvoted, bah, children.

Then, of all things, we run into goblins with a cart full of meat of their own. Gods I hate this trip already. Kelly managed to haggle with them a bit and she got us a meeting with some goblin chief to try and end these messy raids quickly. If those were anything but goblins with rocks from brains, I would have been impressed.

We continued on a little further until we reached the a farmstead where we heard much shouting and not a few explosions. Rushing up we saw a few men waging war against a band of goblins. The first real chance to see how these kids really stood. Kelly bounded forward and helped heal one of the injured and then poked some things with what looked like a sewing needle, Fortes (the more strapping, if less cultured of the two brothers) went into a whirling dervish of death mode with significantly less death than desired while his brother “Darius” (the foul smelling, but nimble fingered one) did… Actually I cant quite recall what he did. Huh… And I, in my ever growing power… shot pretty lights from my hand. We made quite a team, until the Ogre showed up.

After much running around arms flailing, and one unfortunate smashing of a farm hand, the farmer raised his mighty staff, and with great fury turned the mighty ogre into a giant fluffy bunny. I learned two things right then. I must have that staff, and I must ride that bunny (I have named her generalissimo floppsy).

The farmers name is Merryl, and he’s a magician of sorts. He was very appreciative of our help and offered the group rooms in his barn to sleep for the night, He also offered me the use of his bathtub and bed should I be so inclined. Any port in a storm. And now I must be away to goose down bliss, while the rest of the merry band of uselessness sleeps on hay and rocks.

Deer Dairy,

I want them to find that bloody rabbit (who I have decided to call Dame Penelope Eustace Whitehead-Sneed) for me! I have to ride it into glorious battle, raining hellfire down from above, then at eye level, then from above again because that is how rabbits work.

The rushmoor twins went off to go look for it since they’re the better trackers, while myself and Kelly went off to the meeting with the goblins. We found the spot somewhat early, and were forced to pass the time chatting. I got the impression she wasn’t really listening to my detailed list of reasons as to why a Giant Rabbit would merit riding into battle so I changed topics. I dont think she liked hearing about my night any better.

The meeting with the goblins went fairly well all things considered, we brokered a deal where the goblins would stop raiding the farms and in exchange the farmers would be bent over a barrel and be forced to give up the exact same amount of food they would have lost had the raids continued. Wait… Meh, it was Kelly’s idea anyway.

The Rushmoor twins came back with some great news aswell, they found the ogres and even better, the rabbit! We are to set off immediately, just waiting for all the supplies to be loaded on to the horses.

Journal entry whatever number im on

Whelp, that sucked. We killed the ogres, that was fine, Fortes filled one with arrows, the other two were pricked to death by a combo of thorn bush things Kelly made and some more fireworks from me. Yet again I can not for the life of me recall what it was that Darius actually did… Oh well, im sure it was something.

We also found the rabbit (Who i am referring to as Captain Haremer) cowering in a corner, we were able to calm it and we planned to come back for it as we had more pressing matters, there was a passage way in the back of the room we needed to check out. Good thing we did too, because they were full of stirges, awful nasty things, Darius took a nasty blow from one, but we eventually cleared them out. We made to set up camp for the night but we would have to come back for it as we had more pressing matters, there was a passage way in the back of the room we needed to check out… I.. I needed to check out. This is the part that sucked.

I dont want to write it

Fine, I was eaten by slime

And paralyzed

And dissolved… alive

I dont really remember a whole lot after that part, woke up today, two days later, in the same cave.


Nevermind, this place is awesome. So after the slime thing that we will never mention again we found the tomb of some old dead dude. we had to cross a suspicious entry way to get there, Darius checked it out and found a pit trap full of spikes (it gets better) so a few of us jumped across, and (respectfully) looted the sarcophagus and jumped back across. All of us that is except for Darius who, instead of taking a running leap like the rest of us, decided to walk to the edge and then jump. He caught his leg on the stone and tumbled down directly on to a spike. So then his brother goes down to get him and HE falls, sadly not on a spike, but i dont imagine my laughter was any help to the situation either way. Long story short they both got out okay, and now they’re yelling about another passage further down and rats or something

Captains log, Stardate: Today?

So I’m back at Merryls, the rest of the group is off doing something, I dunno, im working with my rabbit (i’ve named him David Hasslehop). Got to have priorities. I have a couple days worth to catch up with.

First off, we went deeper into that cave and found a whole nest of giant rats, killed a few of them as we worked through the various rooms until as soon as we entered the last one a crossbow bolt shot out of the darkness and pinned me to the bloody door! I was not pleased, so I made kelly go in first. (by the way, when did she become the de facto leader of the group? Im fairly certain shes the youngest one here). The shooter turned out to be some crazy druid wererat lady thing who told us that the goblins were working for the ogres, who were in turn being controlled by a witch and that if we were to get her back some artifact of hers, she’d tell us where the witch was.

We agreed and set back out of the cave. As we were leaving we ran into Burl, one of the goblins from the meeting who told us about some dark tower. The others all wanted to check it out, i, being the only sensible one, decided to take my rabbit and go back to Merryls.

So thats where I am, back at the farm, working with the Rabbit and getting him accustomed to me.

Will write more later.

News on acquiring the staff: no luck so far

News on my War Bunny: Much progress has been made!

Not only have I decided to name her Samunmaks, but she will come when I call and even will run up to me when she sees me. It was not easy and not without its hardships

At first she was afraid of me and wouldn’t let me approach her, but after copious amounts of treats and lots of pretty magic (Am I ever glad that I decided to learn that pretidigitation spell now!) she finally would come closer and closer to snatch the treat and run away. Slowly after many hours I was able to coax her to come near me and let me pet her, but then Merryl had to come bounding out of the house in some big uproar and spooked her.

She jumped, kicked me square in the chest and bounded off for the back forty. I went flying and bounced off the side of the tool shed. I was more than cross with Merryl after that, but he made it up to me with a great big feast and he even went out of his way to buy several giant carrots from a fellow a little ways away as an apology.

Wouldn’t ya know it, that did the trick, she acted like she hadn’t ate anything in weeks. Ever since then she comes bounding up for a rub behind the ears. Now if only I could get her to let me ride her without being bucked over the top of Merryls house. Oh yeah, that has happened twice now.

A lot has happened these past two days.

First of all some Cleric and Paladin came riding up to Merryls late one night looking for the rest of the group. I told them they were a ways out and to spend the night, we could set out in the morning (I probably should meet up with them soon, don’t want to miss out on some nice treasure). The Cleric was another elf, female to boot, kinda stuck up though, I mean even more than me if that were possible! The Paladin though, Rick is his name, hes not so bad. Smart, strong, charming even. I wont lie, I may have coerced him into something not entirely in line with his oaths, not less than a few times over the past couple days. Come to think of it… that may explain what why all that went down the way it did, my bad… I’ll get to that in a bit.

So the three of us set out in the morning to meet up with the others at the dark tower that Burl pointed out. Its a few days away and it passes rather uneventfully, miss cleric is nothing but nosy and rude but Rick and I have a perfectly wonderful time passing the night, again, sorry Rick.

After a couple days though, we run into the others all running and screaming in terror (running, as in missing the horses they left with) at us, guess that makes me the Hero, saving the day, yet again. My those children to get themselves in trouble, what would they do without me. For instance, this time a giant ball of complete and utter darkness drops from the sky without any warning and begins to attack in great bouts of malice, the three were visibly shaken, this must have been what they were running from, not a good sign.

So there we are, attacking the darkness as best we can. Being a sorcerer of light, I cast plenty of magic missiles, which I choose to believe is what turned the tide in our favour. Also I shot rainbows at it… yes I certainly am a true mans man. Fortes was barely in any shape to fight and the other two were hardly any better. My self and the Cleridins (new term, im coining it here first, the jobs are essentially the same anyway) were fresher and helped to lay siege to the monster, but not without some casualties. All but my horse was slaughtered and then Rick ran charging at the beast, but then, as if his God had completely abandoned him, perhaps due to him breaking his oaths numerous times in the span of three days, was sapped of his strength. The beast caught him with one taloned claw and tore through Ricks armor like paper, killing him on the spot.

Umm… Oops.

But after several tense minutes of heavy fighting, the beast lay slain still concealed in its globe of darkness.

We loaded Rick back on to my horse with myself and Kelly hitched a ride for a bit too since she was the only one light enough to not overburden the poor horse, at least until her wolf showed up again.

I also may have re-purposed a few of Ricks earthly possessions, its what I choose to believe he would have wanted in my extremely brief but completely biased time knowing him.

So get this, we were almost a days ride out from Merryls when the Necromancer the rest of the group pissed off shows up standing in the middle of the road with Burl tied up next to him. Turns out the Darkness thing was his pet or something and the tower is his home. He started droning about how we were invading his land and that we had no authority. Now I wanted to just set the little jagov on fire and walk away, but I knew Kelly would want to take things more civil so I began to try to reason with him.

Then Kelly through a thunderstone at his feet and all hell broke loose. Well, some hell broke loose, mainly from us at him in the form of his untimely death. Then we cut his head off, and set everything on fire just in case. Everyones heard the story of Pellagrim the Pale, especially when your mother is the one who helped kill him. Its always “I didnt kill pellagrim the pale so you could skip washing the dishes” or “If I can kill pellagrim the pale, you can pay attention in your classes, or do you want to reenact it with this wooden spoon?”. You can never be to careful with necromancers is my point, same goes for my mother.

After that it should be a quiet ride back to Merryls.

We had a quiet ride back to Merryls, until he came running up screaming about my rabbit. He’d been keeping it in the barn while I was away and the thing got out, took half the barn with him. Odds are Mr. McGregor was bringing out his giant carrots again and got too close to Merryls fence line. This happened last time, but the look on Mr. McGregors face was worth every copper.

We rested for a few days, and I worked with my rabbit (who i’ve taken to calling The Hopaganda Machine) while we sent to get some horses, which were delivered exceptionally faster than expected for reasons I still do not quite understand.

After that we ventured back to the tower as a group now. There we found a zombie ogre, the same ogres we had already killed back at the caves it turned out, and some human zombies. With all five of us we made quick work of them all and cleaned out the tower of any remaining valuables.

I must confess, were it not for its extremely private location and us being in the middle of our current mission I wouldn’t mind claiming this tower as a home base of sorts while we operate out here.

Tomorrow we set off to search the first of the ogre camps for their chief, as he is the one who holds what the rat lady needs. Hopefully all goes well, but I know it wont, lets be honest.

And so begins the misadventure

Lords of Whitecliff Tzarchasem